Answering the Question, "How are you Doing?"

When I get asked "How are you doing?" I have to think twice to know how I am actually doing. Apart from my daughter, Greta.

It is difficult to know how we are doing when we are so used to being a caregiver.

When for so long your child’s wellbeing = your wellbeing.

Even now as my Greta is becoming much more functional and independent I still notice I often have her in the back of my mind when I answer the question “How are you doing?”

There was a time when I felt guilty for enjoying anything because I knew Greta was in pain. It was hard to lose myself in going for coffee with a friend, going for a walk in the sunshine, or listening to music I liked. I was always aware of the time and of the ding of any text that might be coming from her.

It was hard to laugh with the rest of my family in the kitchen because I knew she could hear us from her bedroom and I didn’t want her to be reminded what she was missing out on. I was trying to protect her feelings. A lot.

Codependency.

It can be hard to extricate yourself from the happiness of another human, especially when that human is your child in chronic pain.

The path to healing includes us, as parents, unearthing ourselves again and knowing who we are outside of the chronic pain journey we are on.

Mental health support is important for us, just as it is for our children in pain. This journey isn't easy. Make sure you are well supported.

~ Carla

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