Things Might Be Okay, for Now
If Greta is humming, I know she is okay. If she is singing in the shower, things are okay. Sometimes I need obvious visible and audible reminders like this to let my nervous system know that things are okay, I can put aside worrying for this moment.
It is easier to recognize the indicators that things are not okay ~ When Greta used to be in bed all day I would always be aware of indicators like the volume level on Netflix (if it was really soft then I knew she was in a lot of pain) if all of her garbage had missed the garbage can, if the toilet was un-flushed, if a lot of her ice packs were in a state of un-frozen-ness…all these were indicators that she was in a lot of pain.
We are kind of wired to notice what is wrong. But it is so important to notice when things might be okay for the moment.
I have had to use a lot of self-talk over the last few years to remind myself that I can give myself a break from worrying. When I take a bath I remind myself that no one needs me right now, I am only responsible for myself. And then my shoulders let down a little. When I drive to the store or go for a walk I remind myself that I am doing what I need to do and don’t need to be anywhere else right now. Then I can notice the birds and the breeze and not be so caught up in my thoughts.
When it is bedtime, I remind myself that my kids are being taken care of by sleep and I don’t need to be on high alert.
It can be far too easy to be in a state of constant worry when our kids are in constant pain. But then we get sick…and depressed…and that doesn’t work for anyone in the family including us. So I have been trying to pay attention to the small indicators that, in this moment, I do not need to worry. In my case that is humming, singing, a higher volume on the tv, frozen ice packs, and the absence of sighing.
What are some indicators that your child is doing okay for this moment?
~ Carla
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